The Fertility Daily: an East Coast Fertility blog

NWW Photo Caption Contest No. 7

Wed, 15 Feb 2012 12:41:00 -0500

Glad to see last week�s photo didn�t scare anyone away! But this week's may!

Time for Nearly Wordless Wednesday! It�s our weekly photo caption contest where anyone anywhere can enter to win by submitting a clever caption for the photo of the week. Try it and you�ll soon be addicted to the fun. And what infertile couple, or generally stressed out person, can�t use a fun distraction? Come on and play!

Each week, the winner gets a gift card. It�s our little thank you for playing our game.

This week�s contest winner will get a Dunkin Donuts gift card. What breakfast or lunch combo is calling your name? (Make mine a jelly donut and coffee, please!) Win this contest and the gift card is yours!

But first let�s announce last week�s winner: Curtis! Congrats! Boy was there stiff competition last week. Lots of great entries. So please keep trying!

Who could forget that stud in the bathroom with the hearts shaved into his ample chest hair and that smoky look [shudder]. Well, Curtis cracked us up with his poetic caption: �Roses are red, Violets are blue, In case you are wondering� I shaved down there too!� (My caption would have been �Roses are red, Violets are blue, I�m not just your Valentine, I�m a sperm donor, too!�) Ahhhhhhhhhh!

Curtis, please email your address and the words �NWW Contest #6-McDonalds� to Lindsay at lmontello@liivf.com to claim your gift card.

Now, on to this week�s challenge.

Give this photo a caption either below on this blog or on our Facebook page. NOTE: Please enter on Facebook this week if you have problems entering on the blog as we are changing blog platforms tomorrow.

Best entry winner gets Dunkin Donuts on us! It�s a fast, fun and free contest open to anyone, whether infertile or not, and whether a patient of our practice or not.

Bookmark our blog or like us on Facebook and check back next week to see if you won and we�ll mail you your gift card.

Plus, if you �LIKE� us on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/longislandivf , we may be able to send you the prize as an e-gift right through Facebook, depending on what this week�s prize is, so you could be enjoying your winnings as early as on the day we choose the winner! (And as much as we�d love you to �LIKE� us on Facebook, it is absolutely not required to either enter or win our contests!... But did I mention we�d love it if you did ;-)

Enter today! Or at least before next Tuesday!

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Why not bookmark us so you remember to check back often�at least every Wednesday�so you don�t miss our NWW contests. And we also run bigger contests, too. And feel free to suggest other fun places we could get gift cards from that you�d like to win as prizes for these fun contests or topics you�d like to see discussed on the blog. Now go enter the contest!

Photo credit: http://www.killmydaynow.com/2011/03/funny-pictures-of-bad-parenting-part-3-58-pics.html/

Anti-Valentine's Day

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 17:48:00 -0500

Ugh. Valentine�s Day�another rough day for many infertile couples.

Sure you can have a romantic night alone. But too often, the �alone� part takes the �romantic� part away.

Enough of the alone time. Don�t you want to scream �I love you honey, but I really just want a snotty, crying, feverish baby to keep me up all night instead!�

It doesn�t help when you have to listen to your friends with kids complain how they don�t want to stay home with their little ones and can�t wait til the sitter arrives tonight so they can toast each other over a peaceful candlelight meal. Especially when you�d like nothing more than to have a kid hanging on your neck as you pay the Dominos delivery guy.

You can�t win. You don�t have the kids yet. And the emotional and financial stresses of infertility take the romance out of your time alone. So what do you do?

Well, you can take VD to the extreme and get all silly about it. Over-do it. Do the candy, the flowers, the candles, the rose petals, the satin sheets�the whole, cheesy clich� of it. And then laugh at yourselves. You know the laugh I�m talking about? �Your� laugh. It�s that special thing between you where one can just look at the other and you laugh uncontrollably.

Or you can do the opposite. Anti-Valentine�s Day. Defy it. No card or gift. No succumbing to the pressure of Hallmark�s holiday. Save a rose garden somewhere by rejecting flowers.

I practiced my own version of extreme defiance of all things traditionally Valentine-y today.

First, I ran 80 errands for the benefit of people other than me. Then�are you ready for this one?...I had my annual GYN exam. Oh yeah, baby. I know how to defy pleasure and romance. He hands me the Rx.�Why Doctor, is that a love note for me? Oooo, a mammogram, water sono, and endometrial biopsy?� [I blush] You know just what I need!�

Top it off with a solo run through the golden arches for lunch. Nothing says Valentine�s lunch like a Big Mac meal.

And the big finale for the evening: I invited my mother-in-law for dinner.

True that.

Bet your day�s looking better already. No need to thank me.

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So, what are YOUR Valentine�s Day plans?

Photo credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=5174&picture=valentine-decoration

Was Whitney Houston a Good Mother?*

Mon, 13 Feb 2012 11:25:00 -0500

If � a big if�it turns out that Whitney Houston died of an overdose of drugs and/or alcohol, would you call her a bad mother?

Can any parent be a good parent if they use drugs?

This is a controversial topic to throw out to an infertile audience. (So if you were looking for another �rainbows and unicorns� tribute to a fallen celebrity, click away now.)

I am always surprised at the way celebrity deaths are processed by many Americans.

Especially in cases where it could be argued that the celebrity wasted their life and God-given talent, or got involved with drugs or alcohol, or had brushes with the law.

I don�t mean to sound cold. Really. I was a big fan of hers back in the day.

I cry every time I listen to �I Will Always Love You� from The Bodyguard soundtrack. Same waterworks whenever I hear her Olympic song �One Moment in Time�. It kills me. And that�s part of the frustration with these untimely and often suspicious deaths. All I can think when it turns out to be drugs or alcohol is what a waste. So I sit here routing for a �chicken bone in the throat� cause of death, though not really expecting such an ending.

Am I the only one who thought immediately about the daughter she left behind? (Just as I thought of poor Blanket and his siblings when the King of Pop died prematurely.) And what about her poor mother who has to bury her �and find a way to go on now that the natural order of things has been upset.

Will the autopsy show another death from an overdose�or from a health condition caused by her admitted past use of drugs and/or alcohol?

It�s not that I�m not compassionate or don�t understand suffering. I know the pain and challenges of infertility, of raising an autistic child, and of losing my parents way too soon. I guess I don�t get how stressful and unbearable celebrity multimillionaires� lives must be. I do plenty of charity work. I�m just not compassionate enough to feel sorry for those parents who succumb to the lure of drugs�who made a deliberate choice one day to start taking drugs. And I can live with that. I know it's not right to judge people, but we all do it; we all have our opinions.

It�s not a popular stand to take at times like this, I know. It�s easier to jump on the vigil-holders� bandwagon. But I have to be true to my overwhelming feeling of disgust at the lives and talent wasted and, most importantly, at being selfish enough to leave children behind without a mother. I can�t wrap my head around the idea of anything being more important than one�s child.

And this all makes me ask myself if my views have been affected by my infertility journey? Do I criticize people more harshly because of how hard I worked to have my family?

I am a product of my infertility. I have no patience for people who do stupid or selfish things that seriously, negatively, and permanently impact their children. If she didn�t have children, I wouldn�t be writing this. But because she did, I feel frustration and anger at the thought of what she threw away if she in fact died from an overdose.

We didn�t lose anything the other day. We lost her contributions years ago. But a young girl lost everything.

I have no desire to blow the dust off and play her music or hold a vigil.

But I wish I could give her daughter a hug.

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How do you feel about celebrity parents who die untimely from drug or alcohol overdoses? Do you think your feelings have been affected by your infertility experience?

*This post doesn�t reflect the views of LIIVF.

Photo credit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Whitney_Houston_Welcome_Heroes_7_cropped.JPEG

The Man's Role in IVF

Fri, 10 Feb 2012 13:33:00 -0500

What are the man�s responsibilities in IVF? Well, guys can be as involved or detached as they choose. So please choose involved. Yes, it�s scary and overwhelming at first. But everyone�s here to help you and your partner get through this. You really CAN learn to do the injections. I promise. So, be a player, not a spectator. Not just because it�s the right thing, but because if you choke at the big moment, you may just be forgiven. (Read on for a great tip on taking the stress off of the big moment):

Dr. Kreiner has seen it all. Read on for his perspective:

Many husbands complain that they feel left out of the whole IVF

process as all the attention and care is apparently directed towards

the woman. If anything they may feel that at best they can show up

for the retrieval at which time they are expected to donate their sperm

on demand. If you should fail at this then all the money, time, hope

and efforts were wasted all because you choked when you could not

even perform this one �simple� step. I have not witnessed the terror

and horrors of war but I have seen the devastation resulting from an

IVF cycle failed as a result of a husband�s inability to collect a specimen.

Relationships often do not survive in the wake of such a disappointment.

Talk about performing under pressure, there is more at stake in

the collection room than pitching in the World Series. Husbands and male partners

view IVF from a different perspective than their wives. They are not the ones

being injected with hormones; commuting to the physician�s office

frequently over a two week span for blood tests and vaginal ultrasounds

and undergoing a transvaginal needle aspiration procedure. At least women are

involved in the entire process, speak with and see the IVF staff regularly

and understand what they are doing and are deeply invested emotionally

and physically in this experience. So what is a husband to do?

Get Involved

Those couples that appear to deal best with the stress of IVF are ones

that do it together. Many husbands learn to give their wives the injections.

It helps involve them in the efforts and give them some degree of

control over the process. They can relate better to what their wives are

doing and take pride that they are contributing towards the common

goal of achieving the baby. When possible, husbands should accompany

their wives to the doctor visits. They can interact with the staff, get questions

answered and obtain a better understanding of what is going on.

This not only makes women feel like their husbands are supportive but

is helpful in getting accurate information and directions. Both of these

things are so important that in a husband�s absence I would recommend

that a surrogate such as a friend, sister, or mother be there if he cannot be.

Support from him and others help diminish the level of stress and especially

if it comes from the husband helps to solidify their relationship.

Husbands should accompany their wives to the embryo transfer.

This can be a highly emotional procedure. Your embryo/s is being placed

in the womb and at least in that moment many women feel as if they

are pregnant. Life may be starting here and it is wonderful for a husband

to share this moment with his wife. Perhaps he may keep the Petri dish

as a keepsake as the �baby�s first crib�. It is an experience a couple is not

likely to forget as their first time together as a family.

With regards to the pressure of performing to provide the specimen

at the time of the retrieval, I would recommend that a husband freeze a

specimen collected on a previous day when he does not have the intense

pressure of having to produce at that moment or else. Having the insurance

of a back up frozen specimen takes much of the pressure off at the

time of retrieval making it that much easier to produce a fresh specimen.

There are strategies that can be planned for special circumstances

including arranging for assistance from your wife and using collection

condoms so that the specimen can be collected during intercourse.

Depending on the program these alternatives may be available.

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If you did IVF, was your partner involved? How did it go? Any funny or sweet stories to share?

If your partner wasn�t involved, are you happy about that decision, and if so, why was it the right decision for you?

Photo credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=10553&picture=young-couple

Getting Pregnant with Clomid

Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:23:00 -0500

If doing IVF compares to swimming the English Channel, then Clomid is like dipping your toe in the water. You�ve got to get your feet wet somewhere when moving on from conceiving naturally to conceiving with assisted reproductive technology, and Clomid is that first step for many women. Dr. David Kreiner answers all your questions about Clomid therapy: It has become commonplace for women who have been frustrated with repeated unsuccessful attempts to conceive naturally on their own to see their gynecologist who often times will try clomid therapy on them. Clomid, the traditional brand name for clomiphene citrate, is a competitive inhibitor of estrogen. It stimulates the pituitary gland to produce follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) which in turn will stimulate the ovaries to mature follicle(s) containing eggs. Estrogen normally has a negative effect on the pituitary: Clomid blocks estrogen and leads to pituitary FSH production and ovarian stimulation. Infertility patients � those under 35 having one year and of unprotected intercourse without a resulting pregnancy and those over 35 having six months without pregnancy � have a two to five percent pregnancy rate each month trying on their own without treatment. Clomid therapy increases a couple�s fertility by increasing the number of eggs matured in a cycle and by producing a healthier egg and follicle. The pregnancy rate with clomid therapy alone is approximately ten percent per cycle and 12 -15 percent when combined with intrauterine insemination (IUI). Women who are unable to ovulate on their own experience a 20 percent pregnancy rate per cycle with clomid, the equivalent to that of a fertile couple trying on their own. Clomid and Your Cervical Mucus Women who are likely to conceive with clomid usually do so in the first three months of therapy, with very few conceiving after six months. As clomid has an anti-estrogen effect, the cervical mucus and endometrial lining may be adversely affected. Cervical mucus is normally produced just prior to ovulation and may be noticed as a stringy egg white like discharge unique to the middle of a woman�s cycle just prior to and during ovulation. It provides the perfect environment for the sperm to swim through to gain access to a woman�s reproductive tract and find her egg. Unfortunately, clomid may thin out her cervical mucus, preventing the sperm�s entrance into her womb. IUI overcomes this issue through bypassing the cervical barrier and depositing the sperm directly into the uterus. However, when the uterine lining or endometrium is affected by the anti-estrogic properties of clomid, an egg may be fertilized but implantation is unsuccessful due to the lack of secretory gland development in the uterus. The lining does not thicken as it normally would during the cycle. Attempts to overcome this problem with estrogen therapy are rarely successful. Side Effects Many women who take clomid experience no side effects. Others have complained of headache, mood changes, spots in front of their eyes, blurry vision, hot flashes and occasional cyst development (which normally resolves on its own). Most of these effects last no longer than the five or seven days that you take the clomid and have no permanent side effect. The incidence of twins is eight to ten percent with a one percent risk of triplet development. Limit Your Clomid Cycles Yet another deterrent to clomid use was a study performed years ago that suggested that women who used clomid for more than twelve cycles developed an increased incidence of ovarian tumors. It is therefore recommended by the American Society of Reproductive Medicine as well as the manufacturer of clomiphene that clomid be used for no more than six months after which it is recommended by both groups that patients proceed with treatment including gonadotropins (injectable hormones containing FSH and LH) to stimulate the ovaries in combination with intrauterine insemination or in vitro fertilization. Success rates For patients who fail to ovulate, clomid is successful in achieving a pregnancy in nearly 70 percent of cases. All other patients average close to a 50 percent pregnancy rate if they attempt six cycles with clomid, especially when they combine it with IUI. After six months, the success is less than five percent per month. In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a successful alternative therapy when other pelvic factors such as tubal disease, tubal ligation, adhesions or scar tissue and endometriosis exist or there is a deficient number, volume or motility of sperm. Success rates with IVF are age, exam and history dependent. The average pregnancy rate with a single fresh IVF cycle is greater than 50 percent. For women under 35, the pregnancy rate for women after a single stimulation and retrieval is greater than 70 percent with a greater than 60 percent live birth rate at Long Island IVF. Young patients sometimes choose a minimal stimulation IVF or MicroIVF as an alternative to clomid/IUI cycles as a more successful and cost effective option as many of these patients experience a 40 percent pregnancy rate per retrieval at a cost today of about $3,900. Today, with all these options available to patients, a woman desiring to build her family will usually succeed in becoming a mom. * * * * * * * * * * * ** What was YOUR clomid experience like? Photo credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=4854&picture=blister-pack

NWW Photo Caption Contest No. 6

Wed, 08 Feb 2012 00:14:00 -0500

Hey, love! Ready for the Nearly Wordless Wednesday Valentine�s photo challenge? It�s time for our weekly photo caption contest where anyone anywhere can enter to win by submitting a clever caption for the photo of the week. Try it and you�ll soon be addicted to the fun. And what infertile couple, or generally stressed out person, can�t use a fun distraction? Come on and play Nearly Wordless Wednesday!

Each week, the winner gets a gift card. It�s our little thank you for playing our game.

This week�s contest winner will get a McDonald�s gift card. Their hot chocolate or mocha frappes are great. And their fries are legendary. Who wouldn�t love a drive thru the golden arches right now? Win this contest and the gift card is yours!

But first let�s announce last week�s winner: Tiffany W! Congrats! First two-time winner!

Remember that old man with the football, leaping over a boy lying on the ground? Well, Tiffany�s caption: �Who�s your GRANDPA now?!� just won her Starbucks on us! Easy, right? (My caption would have been �Daddy never quits, son. Now get up. I didn�t spend all those years trying to have you for you NOT to play football with me!�)�Of course that�s part of the reason I can�t play along!

Tiffany, please email your address and the words �NWW Contest #5-Starbucks� to Lindsay at lmontello@liivf.com to claim your gift card.

Now, on to the Valentine�s week challenge. It is slightly different than usual.

You need to caption this photo with a �Roses are red, Violets are blue�� poem either FROM the guy in the photo to his valentine OR from YOU to HIM! This should be funny!

Give this photo a caption either below on this blog or on our Facebook page. NOTE: Please enter on Facebook this week if you have problems entering on the blog as we are changing blog platforms.

Best entry winner gets McDonald�s on us! It�s a fast, fun and free contest open to anyone, whether infertile or not, and whether a patient of our practice or not.

Bookmark our blog or like us on Facebook and check back next week to see if you won and we�ll mail you your gift card.

Enter today! Or at least before next Tuesday!

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Photo credit: http://www.funny-potato.com/blog/valentines-day-weekend

Long Island IVF Free Seminar Tonight! Bring a Friend and Get a Starbucks Card!

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 08:54:00 -0500

Ready to mingle with the best IVF team on the Island? (Only the best outings are planned for Tuesday nights, you know!)

So how about a change of plans for tonight?

Instead of plopping down on the couch and digging into a box of Valentine chocolates before it�s fashionable, why not grab a friend* and come down to meet some of the team� and we�ll give you a Starbucks card for yourself? (Still a treat, but without the guilt and candy wrapper evidence!)

Can�t get your friends to come with you? Well, you still have US�and we�re the best friends someone suffering from infertility could ask for�we understand AND can help! You�ll get riveting, cutting edge fertility information from some of the most respected doctors, embryologists, and staff members in the reproductive medicine business. You could even make a new friend.

As if that�s not enough�we�ll have cookies. That�s right. Cookies to snack on. It�s a party now.

Plus, after you�ve learned everything there is to know about IVF, you can have all your personal questions answered privately right after the speakers wrap up their quick presentations. And the best part is that you don�t even have to be a current patient to come! Just come in off the street. Have an early dinner and come over afterwards. Or swing by after work.

Have you been trying to conceive without success? Maybe suffered one or more miscarriages? Is your day 3 FSH in the stratosphere? Have other programs told you to give up? Have they said you�re too heavy to conceive? Do you need info on grant programs and financing? Would you like to hear of contests where you could win great prizes like restaurant certificates and free or discounted infertility services? If so, you really need to come down and meet the some of our professional team.

Don�t you owe it to yourself to just check it out? When was the last time you could corner a RE and ask all your questions without them politely dashing out? For free.

Come on. We�re waiting for you. And your legitimately interested friend*�who, by the way, can�t be a spouse, partner, parent, child, pregnant neighbor, octogenarian, or octomom. (That would be cheating!)

Seminar begins Tuesday February 7th at 6:30 pm at:

LIIVF, 245 Newtown Rd., Suite 300, PLAINVIEW, New York 11803

(Yes we�ve merged, but the sign here in PLAINVIEW still says �East Coast Fertility� right now)

We�ll be there �til the last question is asked and answered�or we run out of cookies�whichever comes first ;-) Be there. (or you could sit home with all those Valentine candy boxes calling your name�)

And to the Long Island IVF patients�what better time to get to know some of us as our practices merge? Come on down!

Photo credit: http://www.publicdomainpictures.net/view-image.php?image=5684&picture=cup-of-coffee

The Infertility Superbowl

Mon, 06 Feb 2012 14:06:00 -0500

When comparing the Superbowl to IVF, IUI, or just TTC on your own, there are plenty of similarities.

For many without coverage, saving up to do IVF is similar to trying to get to the Superbowl. It can take years and, when you finally get there, there�s all the hope of your greatest dream coming true�and all the stress and worry about the effort falling short.

There�s drama. Elation or devastation of a level only those who�ve walked that path can comprehend.

The real Superbowl can be a welcome diversion from the daily stress of infertility treatment. Especially for the guys. Did your man (or you) get to relax yesterday and escape the ever-present thought of having a baby for just a few hours? If so, did you notice how good it felt to have just a few hours of fun? (I�m assuming, of course, that no one ruined it by nagging you about having a baby.)

Never underestimate the power of relaxation and stress reduction, especially when TTC. If you did notice the difference yesterday, try to find other things that will work as a diversion for you, too.

And if the Superbowl wasn�t exactly your idea of fun, find something that is. What do you do for a diversion from the daily stress of infertility? Or what would you do if you stopped to make time for yourself?

I regret never treating myself well while TTC. I always had an excuse. Too little time. Too little money. Even the depressed �I�m not worth it� excuse.

I wish I found time for an occasional massage, or a mani-pedi. A walk on the beach. A candlelit bubble bath. (They don�t just have to be in the movies!) Even a session with a counselor, since my friends didn�t really �get it�. (Today, there are infertility counselors like LI-IVF�s Bina Benisch, so consider making an appointment if you�d like some stress reduction techniques.)

But you can learn from my mistakes. So let�s start today.

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Tell me what you do�or will now promise to do� as a diversion or stress reliever? What will you do to be good to YOU? Let�s see if anyone is ready to be good to themselves. Maybe your idea will help someone else who is coping with infertility.

Oh, and go enter the NWW photo caption contest from Wednesday before time is out tomorrow!

Six Superbowl Party Tips for the Infertile

Fri, 03 Feb 2012 02:31:00 -0500

So, the Superbowl is upon us. New York Giant fans are pumped. And even those who don�t care about the Superbowl beyond the half-time show and the commercials are pretty ready to party.

Are you?

Well, in parties in general, can be a drag when you�re TTC without success. Especially if there�s a ton of babies and kids there. (Actually, it only takes one cutie to pretty much kill it, right?) You�re sad, mad, [insert whatever other unhappy emotion you�re feeling here]. The only celebration you really want to go to is your own long-awaited baby shower. I get that.

But let�s consider the Superbowl. It really is one of those parties that could potentially not have any (or many) kids there. It�s a pretty late start, and depending on the crowd, it often includes loads of beer. Don�t forget the five foot hero, hot wings, and super spicy chili.

So here are six tips on surviving Superbowl Sunday:

1. Try to find a child-free party. Real Superbowl parties don�t serve chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs.

2. Better yet, host your own party� so you control the guest list. You can leave those annoying people who nag you about having a baby off the guest list. Leave your friends with kids off the list, too�or include them but make it an adults-only night, so they leave the kids home with a sitter. While you are aching for nights with a baby of your own, they might actually enjoy a night out without theirs.

3. Stay home and watch� or don�t watch� the Superbowl, just you two. Pretend it�s just another day. (But be sure to check in at the end or check the late night news for the winner, so you don�t look like a dweeb at the office on Monday!)

4. Do something wild that you�ve never done before for the Superbowl. If you want to be around adults, maybe that means checking out the game at a local sports bar or restaurant. Maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen. Visit someone in a nursing home or hospital.

5. Feeling like you must acknowledge football? Guys, why not have a touch football game early in the day with some adult friends and come home for a romantic dinner with the wife. (She�ll be the envy of all her friends!) Maybe she�ll even let you watch �Rudy� for the tenth time.

6. Despite your best efforts, some of you will wind up nibbling dino nuggets alongside seventeen babies (okay, two) donning face paint and football jerseys. Here is where your game strategy comes in. Listen up. If the parents let the baby stay up hours past a reasonable bedtime just to torture you most of the night (or made insensitive comments about your lap being empty of your own little Giants fan), there�s always the well-timed shout of exaggerated excitement as the game ends (�WOO-HOO! THE GIANTS WIN!!!! Ooops�Is that the baby I hear?�) followed by a quick and cowardly exit!

Oh, I�m only kidding about #6. Sort of. ( Shhh� use it only if you have to.)

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What are your Superbowl plans? Any tips on getting through Superbowl Sunday if you�re faced with nosy, difficult people or lots of babies? How do you help your hubby that day if he longs for a little one to share the big game with?

What are YOU Shopping for in a Sperm or Egg Donor?

Thu, 02 Feb 2012 19:03:00 -0500

This past year, I crossed paths with a fellow attorney who�d been an egg donor back in law school. She happens to be beautiful. Obviously intelligent. And right after I thought about how generous she�d been, I thought how lucky the recipients were to have her genetic traits in their children. A few months later, I learned that she is unethical, a criminal, disgraced, and is currently awaiting sentencing. Wow. Ya just never know, do you?

That got me thinking about what my own �trait shopping� experience would have been like if I�d gone down that path to parenthood. Would I have tried to meticulously match the donor to my own traits, or my husband�s? Maybe I�d try to weed out an undesirable family trait�on his side, of course! What would I consider as the most important factors? Good health, first. But then what? Education? Athletics? A particular look or ethnicity? How about moral character�if you can even measure that?

God, I can�t even decide between two options for dinner!

I can�t imagine what a difficult, yet exciting, experience choosing a sperm or egg donor must be. Oh, the possibilities�

Long Island IVF�s Dr. David Kreiner offers valuable insight into this choice:

Patients selecting donors whether for eggs or sperm often spend endless hours choosing the "best match". On an episode of the popular T.V. show "Brothers and Sisters", a couple was beyond themselves trying to decide and at one point, out of desperation toyed with the idea of choosing by posting the possible donors on a dart board and letting the dart decide.

People verbalize concern about both a physical and behavioral match. Patients assume that the child will resemble the donor. The likelihood that the child physically looks like the donor varies. The inheritance from a behavioral standpoint including personality and intelligence, drive and aspirations is less clear. There is a significant contribution that the environment plays and to the extent which factor will dominate, nature vs. nurture, is not known.

I don't have the answer to this question; it's one I, myself, have spent much time considering. I'm one of five children and I have four children of my own and, so far, three grandchildren. Though the environment and the genetics of my siblings and my children does not appear to be so different, each of us has developed unique characteristics and personalities; some more so than others.

I think the nature vs. nurture question is like a Jackson Pollack painting. When you raise a child, different colors of nature and nurture are tossed randomly up in the air and what we call "life" dresses the canvas below. Sometimes the painting it creates is breathtakingly beautiful and other times, well� you wish you could throw out the old and start with a fresh canvas.

Now, if you are a conscientious parent, then you are most careful about how and what colors of nurture you toss. With nature however, there is no control over what features are inherited.

So, I tell my patients who are screening donors and are so concerned that their donor has a particular color hair, eye color or even personality type, that they are putting too much faith in just one can of paint that they get to choose to toss up in the air. People with blue eyes and blonde hair have other colors from ancestors that randomly did not appear on their body. But their gametes contain them and these cans of paint could potentially have more impact on the canvas than the blue eyes and blonde hair that the recipient is hoping for.

I prefer a recipient be concerned that the donor is healthy with good odds for successful conception and a generally appropriate match of physical and behavioral characteristics.

Then I pray for G-d's blessing.

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What traits/qualities would you consider most important if you were choosing a donor?